Your Questions: What do you look for in a guy

So, someone in the Grasshopper Gaggle is trying to stump me.

Question: "You talk write a lot of funny stories about guys you've dated, etc. I haven't seen anything here about what kind of guy you're looking for?"

Answer: Consistency.

Okay, so I know you want more than that. But, that's about what it boils down to. Don't mistake that for me wanting a stick in the mud who isn't spontaneous. That isn't the case.

I've just had my fill of hot/cold relationships that leave me guessing. I can't really say that I have a type. Sure, there's certainly a list of things about a man that would be a definite deal breaker for me, but there aren't any magic traits I look for. I imagine most women are about the same as me.

Many days, I consider just giving up entirely.

I can't give you any specifics on height, build, eye color, etc. That stuff just doesn't matter. If I'm interested in a guy, I pretty much feel it in a visceral way instantly. My little universe teeter-totters just for a second when he looks at me. It is awesome and doesn't happen very often. Blame pheromones, perhaps. Although, I am partial to a nice chest. Not necessarily muscular. Just broad. If it looks like it would be nice to put the Grasshopper head on to take a nap, you rock!

Whether it's a shirt, a couch, a man, a car... When I see something I like, I just know it. I'm not generally of the category of girl that falls for a guy that she's been around for awhile. Maybe that has happened for me in the past. I can't recall a specific instance at the moment.

What I can tell you is this. I never date friends. I never date friends of close friends. I never date relatives (yes, laugh). I never date anyone I work with or have a professional relationship with. I try to never go out with anyone who is friends with anyone that I wouldn't want confidential or intensely personal information accidentally shared with. After watching Parenthood, I can also add that I would never date the teacher of one of my kids. That sounds like a lot, but with the gazillion people out there, it really doesn't rule out that many of the opposite sex. I think it's a shame to lose a friend over a relationship that doesn't work out so I choose to date people who I have not previously known or have a close link to. If it doesn't work out, it also helps lower the statistical anomaly that I'll accidentally bump into them in an awkward situation.

So, consistency it is...
Consistent in showing that he's interested.
Consistent in the way he treats me.
Consistent in meaningful communication (content and frequency).
Consistent in being dependable and trustworthy.
Consistent in making my heart race.
Consistent in taking turns driving the relationship.
Consistent in bringing out the best in me and I of him.

A person could go on for days about what they're looking for. I think that for myself, "it" is just there or it isn't. I've been in relationships where I tried to force the round peg into the square hole. Never works.

If it doesn't feel right, it isn't.

In case any of you missed it, I'm answering questions from readers of the blog. You are welcome to ask questions anonymously if you so choose. Just send me an email to

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