Live from the Smithsonian Institution

Live from the Smithsonian Institution.

I am the warden. My two inmates have been in rare form this week. I guess it's the Last Week of School Mania.

How Strong Are You?
Little Me asked Little You if she could do something. I'm not sure what. I didn't hear that part of the conversation. But, I heard her screeching. And, I do mean screeching in her room upstairs while I was sitting downstairs.

"You  haven't noticed how flippin' strong I am?," she asked. Little Me said, "No."

"I'm so flippin' strong now that I could catch a bird out of the air," she retorted.

What? So strong she can catch a bird? Please let it be a buzzard. Please let me be there to see it. Please let me have a camera in my hand.

They Look Out For Each Other 
Yet, they can be so sweet. They look out for one another.

Little Me at Walgreen's. "Can you get my sister something for her face? Some lotion to keep her from getting those ugly spots on her?"

The Man of the House is Turning Into a Tyrant 
Little Me is taking his "man of the house" responsibilities a little too far. And, he's quickly learning that these women he lives with are hell to deal with and impossible to boss around. While he did tell me the other day that I am his "master," he is slowly trying to take over the Grasshopper's nest.

Today, I said that I needed to go pick up my prescriptions. I was sitting on the sofa watching him steam mop. He's actually quite good at it.

"I think we need to clean up the house first," he said.

An...umm... discussion was held immediately after.

When Little Me arrived home, she went straight to her room. Not long after, I heard her bellowing at him that "you aren't the boss of me."

"You need to clean your room," he told her, just as loud. 

An...umm... discussion was held immediately after.

A Cap Gun? What Was I Thinking? 
I bought Little Me a cap gun today. The dogs now hate me. The Tweenado told me she would never speak to me again if I buy him more ammo.

As the thunderstorm raged, I was held captive with a sniper with a cap gun, a crazed Tweenado and pets they didn't want to leave out in the storm.

Little Me with a cap gun. Two scared dogs. One pissy Tweenado. One bad thunderstorm. Add all of that up and you have something not very nice going on at the Smithsonian Institution.

Little Me is trying to be on the down low and go in on a sneak attack on Little You. She's been locked in the downstairs bedroom all night on the phone. Discussing, what I can tell you right now, is probably something that will make me want to puke.

So, he knocks on the door. Incognito. "It's Stephanie," he says. He didn't even try to disguise his voice.

Really? That's all you've got?

The surprising part is that she opened the door. Then he opened fire.

An...umm... discussion was held immediately after.

The Tweenado Makes a Rare Appearance.
Speaking of discussions. The Tweenado popped into the living room for a rare appearance.

I was writing at the time. Listening but not listening. She rambled on about this friend and that friend and that person's boyfriend, etc. Just typical Tweenado turbulence in the Tweenado atomosphere. Nothing spectacular.

Then my sweet little girl started talking about girls she isn't friends with anymore because of some stuff they've done. My waning attention suddenly perked up.

Probably because she said that one of her friends had been "fingered by her boyfriend." She was aghast. I was queasy. Hell, I'm almost 40 years old and I've never said that word. She didn't even blink. I'm creeped out even typing it. Ick! Just ick ick ick!

Lucky for me, my silent shocked stupor prodded her to ramble on. She said this friend drinks. That friend smokes pot. Then...

"Did any of your friends do that while you were my age?", she asked. I answered honestly. I said there were a few that bragged that they drank Mad Dog but I didn't know that I ever believed them. I also pointed out the ramifications on her life and her family if she did drugs. No need to really. Because her dad was once involved in narcotics intervention, we've had this talk many times over many years. She is a staunch opponent of drugs. So much so that she gets a little rabid when talking about people who use them. Little You has a zero tolerance policy and I hope it stays that way.

Of course, she also mentioned that four of her friends claimed they had been raped. Thus, we had the "rape" versus "date rape" conversation again.

After unloading all of that with a cheery disposition, she suddenly stood up and just left.

I sat dumbfounded.

I remember when casual conversations about friends doing stuff that they shouldn't involved cutting people's hair during art projects or shoving a crayon up their nose. Nothing prepares you for the stuff that will spew out of a Tweenado's mouth. NOTHING.

Gotta go. I think I need to go puke.
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  1. Be glad she told you. Too many don't and I see the damage every day. I drank and smoked by 10. I had to ruin most of my health to stop and these kids are into much worse. Right now b'ville blog homepage are no less than 5 former students. Check it out if you can.

  2. @Brian

    Wow! I had NO idea! Shame on you, lol. And, you are right. I'm lucky to have a relationship where she feels comfortable saying exactly what she thinks and feels. I hope it stays that way.

    I can't even imagine what you see/hear about on a day-to-day basis as a middle school teacher. That's a tough job. I think middle school teachers are incredibly patient and tough. That age is the hardest of all of the ages to deal with in the classroom. Freaking hormones make them crazy!!!!

  3. I remember the first conversation like that with my daughter. It started with friends giving "handies" to guys in class and ended up with alcohol, pot, and pill abuse. I was horrified. Be glad she is talking to you about it at all. It says a lot about how much you have kept her trust.

    I agree though...PUKE!

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