The Modern Chastity Belt: A Condom With Teeth

I thoroughly enjoy my time spent in waiting rooms. I get the opportunity to actually sit and read magazines. And, I always find something that peaks my curiosity.

Moms and Dads of teenage girls -- this one is for you. 

Introducing Rape-aXe. "The Condom With Teeth." Originally designed for use by women in impoverished countries (specifically South Africa where rape is a raging epidemic), its purpose is to ward off rape. A girl or woman simply insets the condom much like a tampon. The thought is that if a man knows a young girl or woman has this rape deterring device inserted, he will think twice about sexually assaulting her.

Yes, there are plenty of arguments can be made for how a man can get around this but I'm not going to go there right now.

This condom has internal ribbing, much like tiny teeth. Yep.. you guessed it, they grab onto the ole pecker and give it a good talking to. The woman who designed it, compared the internal ribbing as being teeth-like. The sensation of getting caught in one -- about like getting it caught in a zipper, but worse. When the man withdraws, the condom comes out with him. And, it can only be removed by a doctor! Now that's a gruff way to take a bite out of crime.

The more he tries to get it off, the tighter it grips. While it's on, he cannot urinate and developers say that it would be hard or impossible for him to walk as well. I'm almost at a loss for words. I hope the commercials will use the Jaws theme as the background music.

Damn. Just damn!

Of course, it doesn't cause any permanent physical damage. The psychological damage, well, I imagine there's plenty of that. But, you know, what's fair is fair. Rape victims have suffered psychological damage since the first time the crime was committed. I imagine recovery from someone attempting to rape you would be a little easier if you could laugh about the expression on his face when his ding-dong got diced by the handy little contraption.

The cost? Just $2.00 per condom. The potential? Priceless!

I can totally see a rash of persecuted penises being caught in the toothy tooty trap by pissed off girlfriends and wives. And, I can also see it becoming a modern chastity belt for the teenage temptresses out on the prowl. It gives a whole new meaning to "Baby, my hoo hoo will make you holler!" Now, it only takes $2 to make a man holler. Progress, indeed.

It wouldn't be bad for other uses as well. It could become standard issue along with the traditional orange prison jumpers. Or, a reward for good behavior. Talking about some jailhouse rock!

This new condom is like a man's secret fear manifesting itself onto the shelves of the local Walgreens. There isn't a man out there that isn't just a little apprehensive of anything's teeth -- be it human, animal or man-made -- getting near his dangling life force.

While I doubt that this will serve well for its intended purpose here in the U.S., it will be interesting to see if it becomes readily available to consumers. As far as deterring rape, I'm not sure. How can we females really anticipate if and when we might be raped?

One argument developers offered was that it would be good for women to wear on first dates where they weren't sure of their safety. Damn, girl! If you're that worried about your safety with your new man, he shouldn't even be getting a first date. Or, just be smart and meet him at a crowded restaurant -- and make him leave first. 
A Vaginal Vice-Grip. 
Dentures for Dicks. 
Punishment for Peckers. 
A Hickey Horror.

Step right up guys. Take a stab at it!


  1. I saw a movie not too long ago and it was about the same thing but the girl was born with teeth already there. The female doctor lost some fingers. The boys well you know, one even lost his and it fell on the floor and a German Shepard ate it lol. I am serious it was a Netflix movie and it cracked me up too. At the end this old man picked her up hitch hiking and she went to sleep in the car while he was driving. When she woke up they were parked in front of a motel. He was about 80 and sitting there grinning at her when she tried to open the car door to get out of the car. The door wouldn't open and he just grinned into his wrinkled face. She smiled at him and said shall we go inside. She was still smiling when she went in the door for the surprise he had waiting lol.

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