What do women really want in a man? The answer may surprise you.

"What do women really want in a man," a friend asked me in an email this week.

I had no answer. All I could muster as a response a few days later was, "I haven't forgotten. I'm still thinking."

At first, it seemed so complicated. It is a global type of question. One that, at first glimpse, kind of shuts your mind down due the overwhelming size and scope of it. As I was driving home tonight, the answer hit me.

Your answer: "Enough."

Women want enough. Your goal as a man is to figure how out how much is enough, how much is too little and how much is too much. I know, you're thinking about Goldilocks and Three Bears, aren't you? Every woman is different. You'll just have to use trial and error to find what she needs. Love comes easy. Lifetime compatibility doesn't.

Love comes easy. Lifetime compatibility doesn't. 

Some thoughts:

Love. Women want enough love to feel needed, valued, appreciated, secure and special. Too much love and we'll feel overwhelmed trying to stay on your love level. Too little and we'll feel taken for granted and our security will be threatened. We need... just enough.

Sex. A woman needs to know that you'll never turn her down if she initiates. That's right. It's a double-standard. Never, ever turn your woman down. It's just not right and it's damaging to her self-esteem. Sex, as a friend of mine told me some months ago, "isn't the only thing" in a relationship. "But damn", he said, "it's an important thing." He's right.

Demand too much and a woman will feel torn between what she considers an obligation to a man she loves and resentment. Resentment? Yes! Resentment that you can't respect the fact that sometimes we're just too freaking tired from raising kids, cooking dinner, cleaning and working to hang from the chandelier or put our legs behind your head every night. Ask too little and we'll think you're either cheating on us or that the few extra pounds we've put on since you met us disgust you.
Give her enough but not too much and never too little. Never, ever make her beg.
Test the waters gently. Learn to read her cues. Make sure she knows that you want her every single moment of every day but that you only want it when she does. That way, she'll always bring her best game to the mat. Don't become the guy who has the woman who counts during sex. I know plenty of women who will do it just to keep their husbands happy. They entertain themselves by counting backwards from 100 during the act. The higher the number when you finish, the better. Don't be that guy. Give her enough but not too much and never too little. Never, ever make her beg. Hint: Take one for the team every once in awhile. Occasionally, let it be all about her. And, then, let her go to sleep.

Attention. It won't hurt you freaking hard ass men to ask women questions about their day, how they're feeling, etc. If you're dating a woman and she feels a little under the weather, ask her once a day how she's feeling until she eventually tells you she's back to normal. Make an effort to do the little things. Surprise her with a flower in her car. Fill up her car with gas. Pick up a small gift while you were out. Send her a card or leave it somewhere she will find it. Show up at her door with her favorite candy. No, not fancy chocolates. Something cheap (read: no pressure) that just shows you were thinking of her, like Starburst. Little things let us know you think about us when you're away from us. Those things are sexy hot!

If she ever does any of these things for you recognize it. Thank her and let her know that she's touched your heart. Not saying anything is the equivalent of slapping your woman right across the face. Of course, the Grasshopper knows you'd never do a thing like that. So, don't forget to thank your woman when she does something nice for you, either.

Too little attention and we'll feel like we're not special to you. We'll question how much you care about us. If you're with a woman who starts questioning whether or not you care about her, you can bet that you are falling below her Level of Attention Enoughness. Ramp things up or risk losing her. Too much attention and we'll feel smothered and stalked.
We need to know that when we are weak you have the strong shoulder we need to lean on.
Security. If you're a woman's man, the one thing she wants is to know that she can count on you. That means that, yes, you're going to be inconvenienced at some point. That's okay. If she's a good woman, she'll always return the favor ten-fold.

Women are actually pretty simple on these things. We don't want you to ever fight or put yourself into a dangerous situation. But, we want to know that you would, if needed, for your woman's protection and safety. We want to know that even if it bores you, you'll listen to us talk about something that bothers us. We need to know that you will always do your best to help provide food on the table and a roof over our heads. We need to know that when we are weak you have the strong shoulder we need to lean on.

In short, be a foundation for your relationship. Don't be a leaning wall. Be enough. Too much: We'll feel controlled and weak. Too little: We'll feel lonely and unloved.

For the dating men, women feel insecure when they don't know where they stand with you. If you like a woman, show it. Take her out, give her attention, let her know that she's the only woman you're interested in. The more secure we feel in a relationship, the less time and attention we'll ask for. It's the best of both worlds. Keep your woman secure and she won't mind you hanging out with your buddies. It isn't your friends she worries about, it's the other women that are there, too. If she feels secure, those hussies won't worry her at all. It's a win-win situation.

Keep Your Promises. Dinner on Saturday night? Helping fix the broken sink? Don't make promises and then break them. Be enough of a man that we always know that you'll do what you say.

Hugs, Cuddling, Holding Hands, etc. Little known female fact: A lot of times when we are angry and lash out at you, what we really want is for you to hold us close. Yeah, we're crazy like that. When your woman is having a really bad day, hold her close. Not for hours. Just a brief, warm, sexy, full body contact hug is all it takes. It will immediately ease her tension.

After you're in a relationship awhile the simple things like holding hands tend to fall by the wayside. Don't let them. Holding her hand is a simple, undemanding way to show her that she still makes your blood boil and heart race.

Flirting. You may get old but flirting never does. Don't stop just because you put a ring on it. Flirting is mental foreplay. Do it. Do it often. Don't wear it out.
Build your trust, brick by brick and board by board. Once it's strong, it will withstand the winds of life.
Be Trustworthy. Don't do things to make her doubt you or your love. Don't try to make her jealous. Don't be ambiguous or mysterious about anything that could jeopardize your relationship. Be open. Be someone she can count on. If she doesn't trust you or begins to lose her trust in you, you've got real problems. Possibly, insurmountable problems.

The best way to solve trust issues is to avoid getting them the begin with. Once you have her trust, you won't have to continue proving yourself. Just be careful not to do anything major that will break that trust. But, until you've earned the trust of a woman, even minor slip-ups can jeopardize your future together. Build your trust, brick by brick and board by board. Once it's strong, it will withstand the winds of life.
We women aren't the mysterious creatures from the swampy lagoon that men make us out to be. We give signals. We show signs. We say things. You just have to pay attention.
I've said this before but it warrants saying again. We women aren't the mysterious creatures from the swampy lagoon that men make us out to be. We give signals. We show signs. We say things. You just have to pay attention.
Being tender and kind is not mutually exclusive of being masculine.
Little Me can work a grown woman like a potter with some clay. Why? He notices little things. He gives sincere compliments. If you're feeling down or under the weather, he'll tell you how sorry he is and how much he cares. He surprises the women in his life with small tokens of his affection. Having no money, he will sometimes sit me down and tell me all of the wonderful things he would buy me if he did. All that sweetness and he's still the manliest little boy I've ever met. Being tender and kind is not mutually exclusive of being masculine.

It is enough. It fills my heart completely. Without doing much at all, he can make any woman or girl he's with feel like she's the center of his world. A gift? Perhaps. A learned survival skill of a little guy swimming in a sea of estrogen? Most likely.

I've seen women melt into puddles as he admires a piece of clothing or tells them that they're pretty. So much time spent around the many females and very few males in his life has taught him how to say and do things that make women happy.

Despite what you may think guys, what a woman wants in a man isn't muscles, underwear model looks, a huge bank account or an expensive car. Those things are okay but we want more than that. When we're looking for a man to be a part of our lives, we're really not looking for those things. We want enough.

We all need enough. We all need a hand to hold on to. It's really as simple as that. It's not weak. It's smart. It's enough.
----
Every one needs a hand to hold on to
Every one needs a hand to hold on to
Don't need to be no strong hand
Don't need to be no rich hand
Every one just needs a hand to hold on to

5 comments:

  1. Well said. Thank you! Men READ this!!!!

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  2. I agree that men should read this. I doubt that they will but they should.

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  3. Women really do give back tenfold whatever men give them:
    http://www.forumgarden.com/forums/just-fun/44494-whatever-you-give-woman-she-will-make-greater.html
    -Dean

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  4. Every one needs a Hand to hold on too, but not just any hand. It's that special hand that you can feel the Love flowing thru their veins into your Heart and Soul. How can you be so wise to be so young?

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  5. Ha! Ha! I don't know that I'm wise. And, I am certainly not "so young" anymore. But, I did get a real good, albeit lengthy, education in life over the past 38 years. :)

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