We don't want to admit we love someone who doesn't love us back.

They say that what you're doing on the first day of the new year is what you will be doing all year long. If that is the case, I want to go back to 2013.

There's dreary rain here in Georgia today. It perfectly matches my mood. Tearful, bleak, broken and tired. Not really a good way to welcome the new year.

I don't deal well with heartbreak. Whether it's the loss of a friendship or a relationship, it hits fast, hard and deep. And, honestly, I carry a little of that sadness of those losses with me for the rest of my life. Once someone touches a part of my heart, it kind of belongs to them for life. I often think of lost loves and friends from many years ago. For some of us, I guess hurt just never truly goes away.

During the past few months, I have spoken with many friends who are still hanging onto relationships that have passed the point where one or both of them should have walked away. Yet, they are there. Still hanging on. Still finding a way to stoke the fire of optimism. I'm not sure if I'm impressed or distressed when I look at these relationships.

I am not joking when I say that I have been known to be physically sick over the prospect of having to walk away from someone I care about. Maybe psychologically the vomiting is trying to clear out the toxic emotions that wreck our bodies in such situations. Maybe I'm just a lot weaker than I'd care to admit. In either case, I've spent some time on my knees this morning. I also realized that Little Me isn't hitting the spot quite as well as he should with his tinkle sprinkles.

Every relationship is different. It has its own challenges. Its own rewards. Its own disappointments. I can't blame my friends who are still holding onto the dimmest of hope. I do it, too. I usually am there for weeks or months after I know that I'm fighting a one person battle to keep things alive. Whether it's a friend or a lover, saying goodbye is never easy. And, to be honest, I don't know that I think it is ever the right thing. Once a person makes it into your life, it would nice to think that they will always been in it in some capacity.

As I get older, I'm getting to the point where once a person makes me cry (yes...I cry!) from hurting my feelings, I figure it's time to walk. No apology? That kind of seals the deal. I can't think of a single recent relationship that I have ended that couldn't have been salvaged with just a simple "I'm sorry." The problem is, I think many of us sometimes don't realize how much we hurt another person with our words and actions. Caring enough to ask and listen to why a person is hurting is enough to heal some of those wounds. Not asking? It's about the same as saying that you never gave a damn about the person the begin with.

Of course, I'm sure that I'm guilty of all of those things as well. But, I do apologize. I'm pretty well known for taking the blame in the relationship when it isn't even mine to claim.

What I think prevents many of us from walking away from relationships is a simple little thing. We don't want to admit that we love someone who doesn't love us back. It is that careless indifference from someone you care about that cuts so deep, so painfully, that you're stifled to breathe. The day that you can admit that you care more about another person than they ever will for you is the day that you can start facing reality. Until then, you're just busy putting up mirrors and puffing up smoke.

No matter how much you adore someone, it doesn't even hint that they will ever have a place for you in their lives. Feeling inconsequential to another person is painful and humiliating. And, at the end of the day, if you want to have something real with someone but they're just not willing or ready to invest in it as well, then it's game over before it even starts.

I imagine that there are plenty of us out there right now analyzing one or more relationships in our lives. I am the first to tell people they should do what is best for them--even if it means walking away when someone hurts them. I am the last one to do it.

One of my biggest problems is that once I start getting my feelings hurt, I get defensive and overly sensitive. Then, everything seems much bigger than it is. And, each slight feels intentional. It's definitely something I need to work on.

The main problem I see with relationships can be drilled down to stubbornness. There are those who refuse to let go when it's time. There are those who refuse to let other people into their hearts. There are those who refuse to admit that they've done something wrong. There are those who refuse to give second chances. There are those who refuse to act like grown-ups. There are those who refuse to allow other people to love them. With all of this stubbornness, there's no wonder that so many of us find ourselves in awkward, unhappy relationships.

Don't let pride bring you down. How about in 2014 some of us lay it on the line? Don't lose a relationship because of foolish pride. Don't keep a relationship because of foolish pride.

And, a note for those who are faced with someone who shuts them out. If you care, show it. Do something unexpected and fantastic. Stand up to them and make them tell you what they're feeling. Make them tell you what is going on. If it is worth fighting for, put up your dukes and get down to it. Admit that you care. For goodness sake, show that you're human. If you don't want to lose them, put some effort into keeping them. It sounds obvious but you would be surprised at the number of relationships I've seen end when BOTH of the people involved still cared but neither knew that the other did.

The best thing about today is that I'm free to wash clothes and clean the house. I figure that since I've already had to come to terms that I cared a lot more about someone else than they did me, that I've already covered the whole washing someone out of your life Old Wive's Tale. So, I'm thinking, maybe 2014 will be a great year. Hell, it can't go anywhere but up.

I'm raising my glass to each of you today and wishing you a new year filled with love that is freely given and received and happiness that warms all who are around you.

11 comments:

  1. Grasshopper I can say that I could name at least 10 guys who would love to get just one date with you. a couple of those you met last night. it's his loss.

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  2. There is so much turth here it was hard for me to read. This one was very powerful. Keep writing!

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  3. You don't say what happened but whatever it was I think you deserve better. I know that I will always think of you as one of the great ones that got away from me. ::::::::::: gp

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  4. lol....
    post 1: perhaps you should send me a private email with that info? might come in handy one day. I'm kidding...really. But thanks for the nice thoughts.

    post 2: The pain of losing any relationship -- friendship, romantic or otherwise is pretty much always painful.

    post 3: hmmmm... interesting.

    Don't take this post wrong. This is a great, great guy. I'm probably more to blame than he is. I tend not to be able to express what I feel if it is going to make me vulnerable. He likely has no clue what was going on as far as what I was thinking. And, I think he's probably better off with someone less complicated.

    I try to remember that whatever is meant to be is meant to be. Only time will tell where each of lands and where each of us stands. :)

    Love!

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  5. Does anyone else think it sounds like someone finally made it through one of Little Boner's thick walls? I'd like to meet this guy :)

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  6. I love you Bonner, and as I said to you the first year we met, oh sooo many moons ago, you can't go around making love out of nothing at all. I should take some of that advice for myself and for you, my dear, sweet, smart, fabulous and beautiful friend... A new years' prediction. Are you ready... really I'm just taking a moment to compose in my head :D; Alright, here goes - in 2011 you will fall in love because you have been slowly been thawing the heart you had to encase in ice for its' own protection. Maybe it won't be a forever love, but it will be a joyfull and rewarding love and aren't those really one of the best kinds? Also you will continue to be faulously successly in everything you set your mind to, as always!!! So cheers back to you for 2011 and many happy returns!

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  7. I've been out of town and I guessed I've missed alot while I was gone. I have also been one of those people you write about and you listened to me for hours while I tried to sort out my problems. I'm here for you friend. When we spoke a few weeks ago you said so many nice things about this new man you had your eye on. He sounded like a winner. You aren't good at telling people when they hurt you and let it build to big. I hope you were wrong and he does care but just doesn't know that you did? I will call you later. U can always come sail away with me.

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  8. Everytime I see you all the rays of the sun
    Are streaming through the waves in your hair
    And every star in the sky is taking aim at your eyes
    Like a spotlight

    The beating of my heart is a drum and it's lost
    And it's looking for a rhythm like you
    You can take the darkness from the pit of the night
    And turn into a beacon burning endlessly bright

    I've gotta follow it 'cause everything I know
    Well it's nothing till I give it to you

    - Guess Who?

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  9. Such sweet thoughts from all of you. Some of you made me laugh.

    Guys...this wasn't anything major. We weren't really "dating." Just talking a lot, seeing each other sometimes. So, it's not like that.

    I guess I'm more concerned with the fact that I fell so hard and so fast for someone for really no reason at all. Craziness I tell you! Craziness! And, yes, dear friend, I was making love out of nothing at all most likely.

    Again, not his fault.

    My mind has been heavy with many friends who are struggling with the issues that I blogged about. Most of things don't apply to me at the moment, actually, but almost all of them have at some point in the last 20 years or so.

    And...you know who... I think about you all the time! This will be a better year for both of us! Thank you for your wishes and you are right. A joyful and rewarding love is indeed the best kind. I hope you're right! :)

    Love!

    P.S. "guess who?" I have no flippin' idea!

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  10. look -- this guy was no where close to being in your league. I told you that. you'll get better but IU doubt he ever will.

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